The grief of death is real. It takes months to “get over” a death although odds are you’ll never get over the death of a cherished member of the family. Luckily, he or she will forever live on in your hearts and in your memories.

That being said, the immediate aftermath of a death is challenging, especially if there are disagreements in the family over funeral arrangements. Dolan Funeral Home, the best funeral home in the greater Lowell, MA, area, understands how hard it is to agree on funeral arrangements. After all, the decisions you make now are final, and thus, important. Below, we’ll offer up tips on how to deal with family conflicts that might arise during the funeral planning process.

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH CONFLICTS OVER FUNERAL DECISIONS

• Put personal feelings aside. Families are inherently messy because people are messy. We all fall, but it’s how we pick ourselves up that matters. When dealing with conflicts, try to put your personal feelings about the other person aside and remember to put the memory of your loved one first.
• Try to abide by the loved one’s wishes. This is fairly easy to do when there is a will present that states your loved one’s last desires for his or her funeral. In fact this is preferred, and Dolan Funeral Home offers pre-arrangement services — which goes a long way in avoiding conflicts of this type. We strongly recommend putting your final wishes in writing as well so there are no questions once the time comes. However, in lieu of a formal written agreement, disagreements will probably arise, especially in blended families or divorce situations. And going off “Aunt Mary said this to me on her death bed” usually doesn’t solve the problem. Again, try to think what your deceased loved one would want.
• Employ a mediator. If all else fails, a third-party can intervene and be a mediator. This should be someone trustworthy but without a conflict of interest towards one party or the other. A clergyman or family friend is a good choice. A voice of calm and reason is sometimes all that is needed amidst all the swirling emotions a death brings.
• Compromise. The greatest decisions ever made were the results of compromise as our Founding Fathers understood when they made five key compromises for the Constitution to become a reality. Listen to everyone’s concerns and desires and allow everyone to be heard. Then decide what is most important for you, and let the others go. Another way to put this is pick your battles.
• Remember everyone is stressed. People handle stress differently and when combined with shock, grief, and loss, anything can happen. Come close up. Others lash out. At the end of the day, you love your family. Forgive one another for what happens during this difficult time.
  Religious differences. This is the most difficult conflict to mediate and compromise on as each person holds his or her religion quite dear. In this situation, try to think what the deceased loved one would want and ask yourself how much it actually means to you versus your other relative.
• Let it go. At the end of the day, the memories you hold close of your loved one is what matters most. While funeral arrangements are important, they are not worth ruining relationships over. Your deceased loved one would want love to be the guiding light during this difficult time not animosity and strife.

So many people avoid talking about their impending death because we as humans are in denial that it will ever happen. This is the heart of the matter and of the conflicts. We all will die and being open and honest about it before your loved one passes is the best way to avoid conflicts during the midst of grief and create a loving memorial service — not one tainted with acrimony and hurt feelings.

Dolan Funeral Home understands the hardships faced by surviving family members in the wake of a loved one’s death. We are here to offer advice, guidance, and support for all of your funeral home needs. Serving the Chelmsford, MA, area as well as southern New Hampshire (Chelmsford, North Chelmsford, Tyngsboro, Westford, Dunstable, Dracut, Lowell, and Hudson), Dolan Funeral Home is here for you. Contact us today for all your funeral arrangement needs!

When a loved one passes, we do our best to honor his or her final wishes. We want the funeral service to be perfect, the flowers to scent the air like it’s spring, and the weather to be pleasant and comforting. In addition, we want the place where our loved one’s remains will rest for eternity to be as perfect as possible. Choosing a final resting place — be it a cemetery, a burial container, or a mountaintop — can be challenging.

Dolan Funeral Home, a full-service funeral home near Lowell, MA, offers tips for those struggling to choose a final resting place for their deceased loved one.

TIPS FOR CHOOSING A FINAL RESTING PLACE FOR YOUR LOVED ONE

Did your loved one express a desire to be buried somewhere? If so, then you’ll want to honor those wishes, even if cumbersome or out of the way. For instance, in the case of someone being married twice, he or she may wish to be cremated and the ashes spread between both locations next to the beloved spouses.

However, if your loved one did not talk about where he or she wished to spend eternity and/or expressly left it up to you, then here are some points to consider:

• Did your loved one have a favorite spot? Did he or she love the beach or climb mountains or love a secluded woods right down the road?
• We all know when a loved one dies, he or she lives on in your heart. However, if you’re getting your loved one cremated, you don’t have to bury the ashes all in one spot. you can keep a portion of the ashes for a special locket, so your loved one will always be close to your heart.
  If considering a traditional burial, consider which cemetery would best fit with your loved one. Was he or she religious? Then perhaps a cemetery particular to that religion would be suitable. Did he or she like a particular cemetery over another in your town? Is one cemetery more shaded than another? When choosing a cemetery for a final resting place, you’ll want to find out the burial rules as well. Some restrict what kind of monument you can erect and what type of flowers you can leave or decorations you may have. If this is important to you, make sure you ask before you choose the final resting place.
• Consider an urn if you are considering cremation for your loved one. Your loved one can occupy a cherished spot in your home, and with so many options in urn designs, many will not even know the urn on your mantle holds your loved one’s remains. Another reason you may want to consider an urn is if you believe you may be moving from your present location, and you want your loved one to go with you until you’re settled.
• Is there a family history to consider? Are all of your relatives from years past buried in the same location? If not, would you want to start a family burial plot, so you can be buried next to your loved one as well?
• Consider a living memorial. Was your loved one environmentally-conscious? Would your loved one want to be buried under a tree?
• Experts believe having a place of remembrance to physically go to can help bring closure and move through their grief. Choose a place you will want to visit — a place of beauty and quiet solitude, and a place where you’ll feel connected to that person. Final resting places for your loved one are endless. From traditional burial plots in a cemetery and urns to garden stones and one-of-a-kind jewelry pieces or scattering of the ashes, the choice can be overwhelming, especially in the grief process.

Dolan Funeral Home is here to help with all your funeral home needs. We offer a traditional service or a celebration of life. We will cater these memorial events for you as well, and we have a list of recommended caterers for your convenience. We have a wide selection of caskets, urns, and burial vaults. We offer cremation services as well as embalming. We can transport your loved one’s casket to your chosen final resting place. Finally, we offer aftercare support to help you navigate the sometimes complicated legalities a death brings.

Dolan Funeral Home is a family-run funeral home that has been serving the greater Boston communities since 1974. Our experience and compassion makes us the best funeral home. Contact us today for all of your burial service needs!